Summary

This episode explores how a Mother’s work is never done.

Philip explores his own relationship with life and how his mother was influential in shaping his outlook on the world and how he, as an individual, has control over how he wants to live.

Transcript:

I was in my forties and beginning to feel the pressure of work and life in general when on a visit to see my parents my Mum mentioned she’d bumped into an old teacher of mine from junior school. That he’d wanted to know what I was doing, and that I’d been a very cheeky little boy.

Thinking back on it now I realise that the story is plausible, but probably the teacher would be very old, so maybe the story was fictitious, who knows. Either way, the story from my old teacher, or Mum, struck a chord – whatever did happen to that cheeky little boy?

There’s an old personality adage that says you choose your attitude. You can choose to be angry and frustrated at life, or regardless of what it throws at you you can choose to be positive and…happy.

Life is for living, for enjoying but occasionally we need to be reminded of this, else the daily grind will overtake you and without fun and happiness it can be a very long grind indeed. Then suddenly you metaphorically wake up and exclaim, “where did my life go?”.

I “woke up” over ten years ago, and am determined to maximise the remainder of my life and I think Mum would approve given she helped with the awakening. I believe she must have noticed the positive change in me, for she never saw need to mention it again.

Of course, external factors helped. I was in a loving relationship, had employment and a job I loved doing. Furthermore I appreciate that I’m fortunate, I don’t suffer from chronic pain, and am content with who I am and what I’ve achieved. That said I would love more hours in the day to get more done for I still had aspirations. Still do, even now at sixty.

Furthermore, I believe the positive mindset that Mum reawakened in me helps guard against depression, illness and assists longevity. And I’m all for longevity.

Another realisation I had was that it’s people not possessions that really matter. My weekly telephone calls to Mum and Dad became a weekly highlight. They were never a chore, and subconsciously I think I realised they were a way of reaffirming our bond. If I ever talked about work, which was not often as I was lucky enough to mentally leave it at the door when I left, Mum would say, “work, what’s that?”.  Likewise when there was a shortage of Heavy Goods Vehicle drivers I told Mum I was thinking of putting her name forward. For two people who didn’t like using the telephone we had good moments talking as much nonsense as we did about serious matters.

I also realise how lucky I was. To have been able to be that cheeky little boy I must have felt safe, secure and loved. As ever with life, it’s not what’s there but what’s missing that can make all the difference. If my parents ever argued (and they were human, so I assume they must have done) then they did it in private where I wasn’t influenced. I knew a happy home, even when I, or my Sister, occasionally crossed the line.

You could argue that the world was a different place in the sixties and seventies to what it is today. Full of bright “swinging” optimism, even up here in Yorkshire, as opposed to the doom and gloom comparative and combative social media world we have today. But I refute the notion that times were better then. There’s always been doom and gloom, if you look for it. As my parents were growing up there was a world war on, rationing, then further skirmishes in Korea and so on. In my own formative years there was the Cold War and potential for nuclear annihilation, the Irish Troubles and then later, and closer to home, the Yorkshire Ripper. There will always be conflict, that seems to be the human condition; whether it be the War in Ukraine or the Middle East but it’s not an excuse for not making the best of who you are or what you have.

But one thing that has changed is News Reporting, and more recently Social Media which allows the world’s ills into our homes all day all. Back in the eighties I realised the constant bad news was bad for my mental health so I stopped watching it.

I was lucky, was growing up in a culture that said, “if you can’t afford it, you don’t buy it”. The easy money of the late eighties and nineties have a lot to answer for. Sure it grew the economy but at what social value cost?

The “Want it now” culture without thought to consequences seems to me indicative of a broken society.

My parents taught us the value of money, and the need to commit to a course of action. Mum took her job of being a mother very seriously. She didn’t try and hold down a job while she raised us. She and Dad would make the sacrifice to get by on his salary, not hanker for every new gadget as soon as it hit the shops. One of my most favourite memories is the “feeling” of visiting the Indoor Market’s toy stall at Christmas time, such a cascade of delights. We were not needy children, we were content with our presents, our non-designer clothing and hand-me-downs. I remember my school jumper not always matching those of my friends because it was a facsimile, but at least I had a jumper and money in my pocket for school dinners.

The older I get and as my life-experiences grow I realise that this secure and loving childhood insulated me from many of the tribulations that plague many people, even into their later years. I know of friends and colleagues who experience anxiety and fears which to me are unfathomable. Even Covid and the lockdowns didn’t phase me. And although I realise I have applied my own form of self-help therapy by embarking on this podcast my “trauma” has been relatively short lived and I am largely through it. The inevitability of mortal existence and the knowledge that Mum lived her life on her own terms has left me in a state of calm acceptance that allows me to be that cheeky little boy she loved so much.

So I don’t take life too seriously. That’s not to say I don’t do my best at whatever I set out to do, be that at home,  work or elsewhere. I apply myself, to do whatever task it is to the best of my abilities. Sometimes it’s for other people, sometimes for myself. But I enjoy it. If I’m doing a balance exercise, as I often do at the gym, and I fall off, then I laugh at my own ineptitude. I don’t get angry, or frustrated. That would only lead to more tension, more failure. I compose myself, have another go.

Of course, you could argue that’s not a realistic situation. There’s no boss breathing down my neck at the gym, but it’s an example of my state of mind. Why shouldn’t everyone enjoy what they do, regardless of what it is. And I tell you it’s infectious, go into a room or task with a spring in your step and a smile on your face and you raise everyone up and everyone benefits. But go into it with your feet dragging and a “woe is me” approach and the task will be misery.

And finally in this episode, and to bring it back full circle, having a positive and happy mindset means I will have the confidence to have a go at anything. It’s not that failure is not an option, but that I don’t care if I fail, so long as no one gets hurt and I learn something.

That’s something both my parents taught me, to have a go. The odds are, given time and common sense supplemented with instructional information such as YouTube video’s you’ll achieve more than you give yourself credit for. And if it all falls apart, provided “nobody dies”, then you can call in a professional. None of us know our limits unless we put them to the test, it’s just much of the time it’s confidence that’s lacking.

Mum and Dad gave me that confidence and in response they saw the return of the cheeky little boy.

So thank you Mum for that gentle reminder all those years ago not to forget that being true to oneself is important; that happiness counts above many other things. Something I try and remember and hark back to when I can. I became that boy again; if not in age and size but in attitude and character. To enjoy life and be happy. Thank you Mum.

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